MAKING THE BEST OF MARRIAGE

It is probably the oldest institution ever established. It is called marriage. By definition, it is a union between two adults.  

Marriage, according to psychologytoday.com, an international counseling website, is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death, but in practice is increasingly cut short by divorce.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” This quotation from the Holy book in my opinion lends an explanation to the question of, why the originator instituted marriage.

Notwithstanding how beautiful the very concept of marriage might look, like any other known institution, it has also suffered a setback in the name of divorce.

Statistics as available to the Accra Metropolitan Assembly has it that, between the year 2006 and 2013, Greater Accra alone recorded a total of 4,080 divorce cases. The cases were in the area of customary marriages. The record as attested could have shot further with the inclusion of the numbers of divorce cases in ordinance marriages.  

The statistical service in September 2014 in a report showed that, nearly 600,000 contracted marriages in Ghana have collapsed, more than three times divorce cases of England and Wales combined in 2012. The number of divorces in England and Wales in 2012 was 118,140.

To what extent would man not go to have that dream wedding, or that solemn gathering of friends and family to witness their tying of the knot, but only to quit on the most trivialized of grounds.

How deterring the outlook may look, however, individuals by the day get married, probably to suffer similar fates of divorce in years to come.

Baffling is the difficulty in the effort of mostly religious and marriage counselors, to help safeguard this beautiful institution of marriage. The reasons these custodians have offered as hampering the beauty of this institution ranges from infidelity to infertility.

 Also are mistrust, incompatibility and unwarranted interferences by both relatives and friends, with in-laws almost always topping the list of offenders.

These reasons notwithstanding can be the “why” of the many divorces marriages suffer in our world today.

But what is missing with the reasons offered over the years, in my opinion has been, our inability as a people to unravel the root cause, which is a thing of principle other than, what is to be termed peripheral causes.

Problems are better dealt with, when tackled from their roots. A careful study in trying to understand the circumstances leading to divorces has revealed that, many couples lack an understanding of the originators’ principle governing marriage.

 Principle is a primary or general law or truth from which others (reasons) are derived. Principle is the “principal why”, and a springboard for other likely reasons.

Principles work in this manner, “you reap what you sow” Galatians 6:9.  Often, we are told principles cannot be bent. You bend it; it ends up bending you too. And this is true.

So the question to be asked when it comes to the so many cases of divorces around is, have the partners in question, strived well enough to understand the very principle underlining marriage as a Union? And in most cases, the answer is a big no.

As strange as it may sound, in most counseling sessions, when “would be couples” are asked their reason for wanting to marry, the obvious rhetoric given as an answer is “we believe we love each other.”

The Akan’s in their dialect refer to marriage as “AWARIE.” This literally means a life-long journey. In attempting a transcription of what they mean by this, I believe they only share my opinion held that “marriage is a life-long journey,” in this instance, it can best be referred to as “mileage.” Therefore holding on to, only love as a reason for marriage is like, holding on to a straw at point of drowning at high sea. You are more than a dead man.

A surety for success in marriage is the depth of understanding held by both partners before the union.

What then is the Principle of Marriage?

Genesis 2:24 (Matthew 19:5)

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one in flesh.”

The originator of marriage as an institution gave humanity only one principle to lead a married life with and this is; departing the homes of our biological partners, father and mother.

This is the key to any successful marriage. Contextually, the issue of having to depart the home of one’s parent should be analyzed beyond its literally meaning.

What do I mean to say with the assertion, “to be one in flesh, what it simply means is this: the man being the woman in all aspect of his life, while the woman also becomes the man in all aspect of her life.

The discussion here is not about types of marriages. Otherwise, one should confuse the “principle” of “leaving the home of one’s parent ‘’superficially with a type of marriage termed neo-local marriage.

In any marriage that the partners strive to live the principle espoused, no one’s interest is projected above the other. Individual interest is sacrificed for the general wellbeing of the union.

 Departing the home simply means, your partner is the first point of call with regards to affairs of the marriage. In other words, your husband or wife is your foremost priority. In the decision making process, third party inputs do not become supreme over that of your direct partner. If it is understood that the outcomes of your decision is suffered by the union, you would truly understand the real value and indispensability of team play in decision making.

Some common homes partners have failed to leave hence, the numerous cases of divorce around;

1.    The home of old relations (Boy/Girl friend) - This has been the number one factor for the numerous cases of infidelity in marriages.

2.    The home of biological partners- This becomes very evident when one of the couple is not able to take decisions on their own. It is not entirely bad though, but when it becomes more of an order of the day, the other partner may feel treated second fiddle. This is a likely recipe for petty offences in marriages that lead to eventual breakups.

Proverbs 18:22, (KJV) “whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.”

The union of marriage is a good thing. Anything good is good and its product should not be the opposite. But some marriages have become very sour just because people have failed to apply the details of the principle of marriage to its utmost conclusion. After we duly apply the said principle, we as partners attract the favour of God and its inherent joy thereafter.

Let’s work to make our marriages a sight to behold and divorce would be a thing of the past!